Day 1

 Well, I dont think I would say today was a total loss.... Could I have done better?? forsure... Why didn't I... unsure... It's the damn snacking that get's me.  I bought this delicous cake the other day and there was 2 pieces left so I ate them.  Earl doesn't like it, and well B doesn't need it...neither do I but I couldn't throw it out, or could I?  The upside to me eating it?? IT'S GONE!!!  I also had a bowl of ice cream after supper.

I never did track my meals today b/c I was unsure how to use my WW calculator, but Val sent me a link to the instructions and I know how to use it now...

I just need to tell myself this isn't a diet, b/c as soon as I label it a diet I will fail.  So, to me it's a lifestyle change.  I can eat whatever I want, I am just going to choose not to.  If I tell myself I can't have it, I want it...so if I choose not to eat it at that very moment, then I have succeeded.

I am not afraid to say... Hello, my name is Megan and I have an eating disorder.  The 1st step in ANY recovery is admitting you have a problem...well I Have a problem and I want to make it better.  Why does food have to be so damn good???? 

As I take a drink of my water...cheers to you, and cheers to another day tomorrow and may it even be more successful than today..  Heck...maybe I'll even weigh myself in the morning...or not!!

Struggling

Well, I don't know where to start...I'm unsure why it is so difficult to lose weight this time around.  Could it be b/c I have what I want? my very own children?? After losing our adoptive daughter in 2007, I vowed that I would one day have my very own children and wouldn't have to rely on someone else giving me their child.  I got down to business,  lost 55lbs in 5 months and ended up getting pregnant after 12+yrs of trying to get pregnant due to an infertility problem called PCOS.  A short few months after having my first daughter Bridjette who was born in Jan. 2009, I was THRILLED to find out I was pregnant again!!!! Who knew it would've been this easy a second time around!!! In Oct. 2010 I gave birth to my second daughter Pepper....  I felt so blessed...in less than 2 yrs I had 2 beautiful pregnancies which resulted in 2 beautiful daughters.... BUT being pregnant had a downside ..the horrid weight gain.  Now, I am in a battle one more time to lose most the weight that I worked so hard to lose. 

I want to lose this weight not only for me but for my girls. I want to be around and watch them do so many things like go to their 1st day of school, get their license, guide them through their 1st heartbreak, graduate, get married, and have their own children...is that too much to ask? 

So, let March 19th 2011 be a new beginning....my short term goal?  make it through one day at a time... my midterm goal?  not be the fat mom who has to watch their daughter go on all the fair rides (in July) with their dad but actually be the one who goes on them with her... my long term goal?  stay healthy and alive long enough to watch my beautiful daughters grow into the most amazing people and be someone they can be proud of.