Well, it's safe to say I am still struggling to the point where I have given up. No worries... I am going to try one more time starting Monday. I should start today but seeing it's Easter I am going to wait.
I talked with DH yesterday and told him I pretty much didnt like myself...I know it's hard for him to hear it because he loves me so much and wouldn't change a thing....I just have no one else I can talk to when it comes to this topic. Sure I can talk to the WW group but I honestly don't feel apart of them. They are all "losers" and I am the gainer..(I'm usually not a follower anyway lol) Besides they don't want to here negativity all the time. But then again, does my husband want to hear it? I really need to stop talking outloud b/c I don't want my daughter to start talking about her weight OR others...
on an up note...I CAN do this, I just need to work past my brain... it's a pretty strong computer that I need to crack (no pun intended on Easter lol)
It was so fun this morning watching my daughter look for Easter candy that the bunny left behind for her. She kept saying "More?, More?" it was so cute...Next yr I wonder how she will do sharing with Pepper. LOL... could be interesting.... Later today we are going to go to my parents and do an egg hunt... should be fun. The bunny hid them there b/c it's drying than our house..
Happy Easter my friends/followers...
Sunday 24 April 2011
Friday 8 April 2011
Fìng Perfect
I think for me to be successful in my change of eating habits I need to love myself..I can say, I don't at this time. If I did, then I don't think I would eat like I do. I have changed some eating habits since starting WW... like, not eating after supper (which is usually over by 5:30) or drink juice...I mainly drink water and a glass of milk during the day. I did buy a case of no caffine diet coke about 10 days ago...I have one at night when I sit down at my computer..almost done the case and then I`ll be back to water. Juice has a high amount of hidden sugars in it and I dont want to use my points up on juice! I can use my points up just fine without the juice.
I really do want Sun. to be the beginning of my new week. I need to get out of this slump I am in because it`s killing me inside. I feel like a horrible mom when my daughter wants to play catch with me and I have to sit on the couch because it`s more comfortable!! WTH!!!!!!! my legs are aching at the moment and are stiff because I have started to take my girls out walking...they partly hurt because of the girls lying on my nerves in my legs when I was pregnant with them....the stiffness will eventually go away, it took a yr with Bridjette, not so long with Pepper and I tell ya...I`ll be one happy chick when they don`t hurt. Getting outside is also getting my mind working and let`s me think more clearly. I get motivated when I am out, then when I get back inside, it`s a gloomy place, so I start to think gloomy. I love my house, don`t get me wrong, but because I have no energy I am slacking in the ``clean up my house`` departmnent...When I do clean it, B comes right behind me messing it up again.. I feel like all I do is clean my house and you would never know it! The upside to it, is atleast Bridjette is having fun!!!!!
Well...until I write again... CHOW!
hey... u know that song by Pink. Fìng Perfect!!! Even though the song is about skinny people... I totally relate to it as an obese person....who thinks I am perfect I say to myself, well when I sit and truly think about it
....to me...
my girls think I am perfect, their minds are so pure and not poisoned by todays standards and see me for the person I truly am....an amazing mom who loves them more than life itself!! They need me as much as I need them... (I also need my husband, he is truly my rock when I am down, thanks!!)
I`m not perfect to them but I must say I have a great group of friends!! Their support is overwhelming, even when I post that I fail on FB, they are right there telling me it`s ok and help pick me back up
mood... hopeful yet again!
I really do want Sun. to be the beginning of my new week. I need to get out of this slump I am in because it`s killing me inside. I feel like a horrible mom when my daughter wants to play catch with me and I have to sit on the couch because it`s more comfortable!! WTH!!!!!!! my legs are aching at the moment and are stiff because I have started to take my girls out walking...they partly hurt because of the girls lying on my nerves in my legs when I was pregnant with them....the stiffness will eventually go away, it took a yr with Bridjette, not so long with Pepper and I tell ya...I`ll be one happy chick when they don`t hurt. Getting outside is also getting my mind working and let`s me think more clearly. I get motivated when I am out, then when I get back inside, it`s a gloomy place, so I start to think gloomy. I love my house, don`t get me wrong, but because I have no energy I am slacking in the ``clean up my house`` departmnent...When I do clean it, B comes right behind me messing it up again.. I feel like all I do is clean my house and you would never know it! The upside to it, is atleast Bridjette is having fun!!!!!
Well...until I write again... CHOW!
hey... u know that song by Pink. Fìng Perfect!!! Even though the song is about skinny people... I totally relate to it as an obese person....who thinks I am perfect I say to myself, well when I sit and truly think about it
....to me...
my girls think I am perfect, their minds are so pure and not poisoned by todays standards and see me for the person I truly am....an amazing mom who loves them more than life itself!! They need me as much as I need them... (I also need my husband, he is truly my rock when I am down, thanks!!)
I`m not perfect to them but I must say I have a great group of friends!! Their support is overwhelming, even when I post that I fail on FB, they are right there telling me it`s ok and help pick me back up
mood... hopeful yet again!
Thursday 7 April 2011
Slacker
Wow... it's been awhile since I posted. What can I say, not much has changed... Still failing at WW... I am however starting to feel better. The weather is nicer and I can finally get my girls out. Getting them out means getting out and walking for me!! My husband is even coming out with us, even when he get's off from a long days work!!! I have decided not to "follow" WW... good move or bad?? I'm unsure at this point. All I know is what I am doing is not working for me so I need to change it up. I will still track what I eat in a day and work on it the next day and see what I can do better. I love the calculator and tracking book that Val sent me....wait a minute...am I not following WW then? I guess what I am trying to say is if I eat something that is bad for me... I'm not going to beat myself up about it. geez I sound really lost, don't I!
I try to follow the WW group on FB but I just can't get into it. I am so jelous of everyone losing weight and you think that would be enough for me to get motivated it but it's not. I feel like I am the only one failing at it...Am I? I did lose about 1.8lbs a couple of weeks ago but when I jumped back on the scale I had gained 6lbs back. I just don't get it. I think my scale is messed up... Why is losing weight such a hard thing to do but gaining it is so darn easy.... I would love to have aneroxia or bulimia for about 2-3 months...but you know, I love food way too much to throw it up...
I am really sorry about my blog always being negative...I need to work on it :)
Plan on going out for a walk today and spend time with my beautiful girls... they really do keep me going and get me through the day! My husband does a pretty darn good job himself too to keep my spirits up (trust me, that is NOT an easy job to do).. I am truly blessed with my family! Thank you God!!!
mood today? hopefull
I try to follow the WW group on FB but I just can't get into it. I am so jelous of everyone losing weight and you think that would be enough for me to get motivated it but it's not. I feel like I am the only one failing at it...Am I? I did lose about 1.8lbs a couple of weeks ago but when I jumped back on the scale I had gained 6lbs back. I just don't get it. I think my scale is messed up... Why is losing weight such a hard thing to do but gaining it is so darn easy.... I would love to have aneroxia or bulimia for about 2-3 months...but you know, I love food way too much to throw it up...
I am really sorry about my blog always being negative...I need to work on it :)
Plan on going out for a walk today and spend time with my beautiful girls... they really do keep me going and get me through the day! My husband does a pretty darn good job himself too to keep my spirits up (trust me, that is NOT an easy job to do).. I am truly blessed with my family! Thank you God!!!
mood today? hopefull
Friday 25 March 2011
Off to the fair!
Sometimes I truly wonder if I was meant to be skinny.... I am the odd duck out where ever I look, the biggest in my family and the biggest out of all my friends.. I really does bother me... Why can't I be like everyone else? I guess it would be boring if we were all the same.
When I was younger my parents would bug me about my weight... ALWAYS telling me I needed to lose it...so what did that make me do? eat more...what pre teenager ever listened to their parents....I remember eating things that were were clearly disgusting, but b/c it was what my parents didn't want me to do, I did it, just to be difficult. I remember crying b/c they would bring my weight up all the time....Having two girls of my own, I sure hope I dont bug them about their weight if they are overweight. I want to support them and love them unconditionally! (what parent wouldn't) The worst thing my parents could have done was harass me about this. do I blame them?? no... or do I? I love them but it really did hurt me. I took diet pills in jr. high and high school. I was in my neighbors wedding and to lose weight I was on slimfast when I was around 14....DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!
I was atheletic...LOVED skating, baseball and swimming. Now, I know I couldn't do any of those if I tried. I want to be able to with my girls...If I can stay positive and work hard toward my goals I will be able to do ALL of those again. Would love to swim across the lake and back again without doing the doggie paddle or someone throwing me a life jacket!!!!!!!! Help my daughter learn to skate, not her teaching me how!!!!!!! Throw a ball so my arms dont hurt or run around ALL the bases not have someone else do it for me!!!!!!!
But most of all, the goal I am working towards right now is being able to take my daughters on fair rides and not watch my husband do it b/c I am too fat to fit on the rides. It's embarrasing and hurtful!!!!! So, here we go B and P, in July we r off to the FAIR!!!!!!!!
Mood: excited
When I was younger my parents would bug me about my weight... ALWAYS telling me I needed to lose it...so what did that make me do? eat more...what pre teenager ever listened to their parents....I remember eating things that were were clearly disgusting, but b/c it was what my parents didn't want me to do, I did it, just to be difficult. I remember crying b/c they would bring my weight up all the time....Having two girls of my own, I sure hope I dont bug them about their weight if they are overweight. I want to support them and love them unconditionally! (what parent wouldn't) The worst thing my parents could have done was harass me about this. do I blame them?? no... or do I? I love them but it really did hurt me. I took diet pills in jr. high and high school. I was in my neighbors wedding and to lose weight I was on slimfast when I was around 14....DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!
I was atheletic...LOVED skating, baseball and swimming. Now, I know I couldn't do any of those if I tried. I want to be able to with my girls...If I can stay positive and work hard toward my goals I will be able to do ALL of those again. Would love to swim across the lake and back again without doing the doggie paddle or someone throwing me a life jacket!!!!!!!! Help my daughter learn to skate, not her teaching me how!!!!!!! Throw a ball so my arms dont hurt or run around ALL the bases not have someone else do it for me!!!!!!!
But most of all, the goal I am working towards right now is being able to take my daughters on fair rides and not watch my husband do it b/c I am too fat to fit on the rides. It's embarrasing and hurtful!!!!! So, here we go B and P, in July we r off to the FAIR!!!!!!!!
Mood: excited
Wednesday 23 March 2011
Content
Overall, I had another successful day.... I had points left over and even said "no" a few times...It was hard but I managed to work through it... I would've chewed more gum to help my cravings tonight but dang, my teeth are still sore from that cleaning yesterday LOL.
I have a thought to ponder... WW seems to be revolving around Jen Hudson and all this weight she lost... (I'm thrilled for her, she must be above the moon) well what about all the other women who have lost under and over what she has lost. Why is she so important? celebrity figure I guess. I give credit to all my friends who are succeeding and trying, we are ALL just as important and she is NO different than any of us. The attention on her seems to be a bit much...that's all. Am I wrong? I would also like to see new WW commercials (or Jenny for that matter) involving everyday people... That would make it more "real life" for me.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring... More positive eating habits I hope. I felt pretty good today, still tired/had a nap but I enjoy it! LOL
mood: content
I have a thought to ponder... WW seems to be revolving around Jen Hudson and all this weight she lost... (I'm thrilled for her, she must be above the moon) well what about all the other women who have lost under and over what she has lost. Why is she so important? celebrity figure I guess. I give credit to all my friends who are succeeding and trying, we are ALL just as important and she is NO different than any of us. The attention on her seems to be a bit much...that's all. Am I wrong? I would also like to see new WW commercials (or Jenny for that matter) involving everyday people... That would make it more "real life" for me.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring... More positive eating habits I hope. I felt pretty good today, still tired/had a nap but I enjoy it! LOL
mood: content
Tuesday 22 March 2011
Small but Huge Success
Well, I must say I have been VERY proud of myself the past 2 days... I have had points left over, such a small but huge success....Sure I havent eaten as healthy as I could (again) but it will come. I am definitenly watching what I eat now. I have this feeling though one of these days I am going to have a slip and binge on junkfood utnil it makes me sick....I really hope that doesn't happen!! (remember: its mind over matter)
Today I had a checkup at the dentist...(NO CAVITIES, YAY ME!!!!) and as I was sitting in the waiting room chair I looked over to my upper right and could see myself in the mirror...I was pretty ashamed the way I looked... I quickly pulled down my shirt (which was long anyway) as far as it would go and looked sheepishly around to see if anyone else noticed the "fat" girl sitting in the chair. Come on, they have to notice, right??....I wondered what the adults thought...and then the kids, what did they think...or did they notice...the one kid never, he was too busy playing with his gameboy to even notice anything around him. I'm a pretty outgoing person but at times, I just can't be bubbly when I see myself the way I am. They were late calling me in, so for about 20 mins I tried not too look in that damn mirror..but me being somewhat, obsessive compulsive, would look out of the corner of my eye and see that lonely figure in the mirror calling for help. It made the voice in me want to say, I'm right here, it will be ok, we just need to stay positive and work through this rough merry-go-ride together. I truly hope people see me for what is on the inside and not what I look like on the outside...I know my girls and my husband love me for who I am, but is that enough?? when will I love myself the way they love me and not judge myself from the way I look on the outside?
I think tomorrow is going to be an ok day...I am looking forward to making meals and seeing how many points I can save for the day...I have already been eating healthier for a few days now and I dont seem to mind it at all, just a lot of getting used to. Pretty soon it wont bother me watching my family eat "junk" food around me... the cravings will be gone!!! and if they are not, then I will fight through one craving at a time...
The weather better smarten up soon...I am anxious to take my girls out in the stroller. B has so much energy and I want to help her burn it off, I feel horrible we r stuck indoors all day. Also, if the weather smartens up, I can get DH out with us... He promised me he would go for walks with us. I sure hope he keeps his promise, I know B would love to have him around with us, I would appreciate it myself... It's always nice to have someone to exercise with!!
Bring on tomorrow world... I am ready to battle the day (with a nap of course with my beautiful girls hehehe) I hope one day I dont need a nap, but right now I just dont have enough energy to get me through the day..I plan on changing that A.S.A.P.!!
mood tonight: optimistic!!!!!
Today I had a checkup at the dentist...(NO CAVITIES, YAY ME!!!!) and as I was sitting in the waiting room chair I looked over to my upper right and could see myself in the mirror...I was pretty ashamed the way I looked... I quickly pulled down my shirt (which was long anyway) as far as it would go and looked sheepishly around to see if anyone else noticed the "fat" girl sitting in the chair. Come on, they have to notice, right??....I wondered what the adults thought...and then the kids, what did they think...or did they notice...the one kid never, he was too busy playing with his gameboy to even notice anything around him. I'm a pretty outgoing person but at times, I just can't be bubbly when I see myself the way I am. They were late calling me in, so for about 20 mins I tried not too look in that damn mirror..but me being somewhat, obsessive compulsive, would look out of the corner of my eye and see that lonely figure in the mirror calling for help. It made the voice in me want to say, I'm right here, it will be ok, we just need to stay positive and work through this rough merry-go-ride together. I truly hope people see me for what is on the inside and not what I look like on the outside...I know my girls and my husband love me for who I am, but is that enough?? when will I love myself the way they love me and not judge myself from the way I look on the outside?
I think tomorrow is going to be an ok day...I am looking forward to making meals and seeing how many points I can save for the day...I have already been eating healthier for a few days now and I dont seem to mind it at all, just a lot of getting used to. Pretty soon it wont bother me watching my family eat "junk" food around me... the cravings will be gone!!! and if they are not, then I will fight through one craving at a time...
The weather better smarten up soon...I am anxious to take my girls out in the stroller. B has so much energy and I want to help her burn it off, I feel horrible we r stuck indoors all day. Also, if the weather smartens up, I can get DH out with us... He promised me he would go for walks with us. I sure hope he keeps his promise, I know B would love to have him around with us, I would appreciate it myself... It's always nice to have someone to exercise with!!
Bring on tomorrow world... I am ready to battle the day (with a nap of course with my beautiful girls hehehe) I hope one day I dont need a nap, but right now I just dont have enough energy to get me through the day..I plan on changing that A.S.A.P.!!
mood tonight: optimistic!!!!!
Sunday 20 March 2011
OOPS I did it again!!!
yup, I failed....and thought I did so good. Not until I calculated my points did I realize that OMG this was bad. 60 points I ate for the day. I am pretty embarrased. When you have to calculate every single little thing that goes into your month, it really makes you truly stop, think and take ownership. Take my glass (2 cups roughly) of 3/4 white. milk and 1/4 choc. milk. That alone was 5 points. I had already eaten my breakfast b4 I could calculate it for the day and that hurt me. Supper, I knew it was going to be bad but I went through with it anyway. Snacking... all I have to say about this is D.A.M.N. I made oatmeal raisin cookies and had a few b4 I packaged them.... I calculated high points there... better to be over than under!!!!!! It's a learning process and I just need to stick through it, thick or thin (NO pun intended LOL)
Tomorrow is a new day and another new start. I'm still not going to give up... Let's hope tomorrow is a nice day out and I can take my girls out in the stroller. It has to be nice enough out to take Pepper b/c she is a bit too young yet to be breathing in that cold air, besides, the exercise will be refreshing and do me a ton of good!!!
One thing I have started is a booklet of things I eat on a regular basis. I write down what the item is... how many carbs, fats, protien, and fibre each thing has..... its serving size, and points. This way I can quickly look it up and dont have to spend time looking for things in other books or the internet and calculating the points value everytime...This way it's right at the end of my finger tips.. So far I am finding it very helpful. A bit time consuming to be writing but if it helps me, then it is so well worth it.
Let's hope tomorrow goes a bit better than today and even yesterday.
Tomorrow is a new day and another new start. I'm still not going to give up... Let's hope tomorrow is a nice day out and I can take my girls out in the stroller. It has to be nice enough out to take Pepper b/c she is a bit too young yet to be breathing in that cold air, besides, the exercise will be refreshing and do me a ton of good!!!
One thing I have started is a booklet of things I eat on a regular basis. I write down what the item is... how many carbs, fats, protien, and fibre each thing has..... its serving size, and points. This way I can quickly look it up and dont have to spend time looking for things in other books or the internet and calculating the points value everytime...This way it's right at the end of my finger tips.. So far I am finding it very helpful. A bit time consuming to be writing but if it helps me, then it is so well worth it.
Let's hope tomorrow goes a bit better than today and even yesterday.
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